Right Words Can Make You a Better Listener
“Listening to Your Spouse, part 2”
Pastor Joel H. Phillips – Escondido Christian Church
Introduction
Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.
Genesis 2:18, 20–25 (NKJV)
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”…20…But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 3:1 (NKJV)
“Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”
Genesis 3:6 (NKJV)
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.
Genesis 3:14–19 (NKJV)
14 So the Lord God said to the serpent: “Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, And you shall bruise His heel.” 16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” 17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life. 18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. 19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.”
Genesis 6:5–6 (NKJV)
5 Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.
Ephesians 5:22–33 (NKJV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Peter 5:5 (NKJV)
All of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility.
Colossians 3:18 (NKJV)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The Role of the Man
Love your wife with sacrificial love
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
“As Christ loved and gave Himself”
Romans 5:8 (NKJV)
God demonstrates (to make known by action) His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)
Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
“He gave Himself up for her”
John 13:1 (NKJV)
…having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.
John 15:13 (NKJV)
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
Philippians 2:3–4 (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
The power of a humble man.
Isaiah 57:15–18 (NKJV)
15 For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. 16 For I will not contend forever, nor will I always be angry; For the spirit would fail before Me, and the souls which I have made. 17 For the iniquity of his covetousness I was angry and struck him; I hid and was angry, and he went on backsliding in the way of his heart. 18 I have seen his ways, and will heal him; I will also lead him, and restore comforts to him and to his mourners.
Love your wife purifying love
Ephesians 5:26–27 (NKJV)
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
(v. 26) “sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word”
John 17:17 (NKJV)
Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.
Titus 3:5 (NKJV)
…through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.
(v. 27) “present her a glorious church, without spot or blemish”
Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
Love your wife with caring love
Ephesians 5:28–29 (NKJV)
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
“A husband who nourishes and cherishes his wife”
Song of Solomon 6:9 (NKJV)
My dove, my perfect one, Is the only one.
Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
Quality time
Words of affirmation,
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
Love your wife unbreakable love
Ephesians 5:30–33 (NKJV)
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(v. 32) “…great mystery…reveals Christ and the church”
Malachi 2:13–15 (NLT)
13 Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. 15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.
Closing
Questions for husbands to ask your wives
When do you feel the most cherished by me?
How best have I helped you?
What has been our greatest moment together?
“Listening to Your Spouse, part 2”
Pastor Joel H. Phillips – Escondido Christian Church
Introduction
Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.
Genesis 2:18, 20–25 (NKJV)
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”…20…But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 3:1 (NKJV)
“Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”
Genesis 3:6 (NKJV)
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.
Genesis 3:14–19 (NKJV)
14 So the Lord God said to the serpent: “Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, And you shall bruise His heel.” 16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” 17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life. 18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. 19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.”
Genesis 6:5–6 (NKJV)
5 Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.
Ephesians 5:22–33 (NKJV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Peter 5:5 (NKJV)
All of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility.
Colossians 3:18 (NKJV)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The Role of the Man
Love your wife with sacrificial love
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
“As Christ loved and gave Himself”
Romans 5:8 (NKJV)
God demonstrates (to make known by action) His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)
Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
“He gave Himself up for her”
John 13:1 (NKJV)
…having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.
John 15:13 (NKJV)
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
Philippians 2:3–4 (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
The power of a humble man.
Isaiah 57:15–18 (NKJV)
15 For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. 16 For I will not contend forever, nor will I always be angry; For the spirit would fail before Me, and the souls which I have made. 17 For the iniquity of his covetousness I was angry and struck him; I hid and was angry, and he went on backsliding in the way of his heart. 18 I have seen his ways, and will heal him; I will also lead him, and restore comforts to him and to his mourners.
Love your wife purifying love
Ephesians 5:26–27 (NKJV)
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
(v. 26) “sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word”
John 17:17 (NKJV)
Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.
Titus 3:5 (NKJV)
…through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.
(v. 27) “present her a glorious church, without spot or blemish”
Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
Love your wife with caring love
Ephesians 5:28–29 (NKJV)
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
“A husband who nourishes and cherishes his wife”
Song of Solomon 6:9 (NKJV)
My dove, my perfect one, Is the only one.
Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
Quality time
Words of affirmation,
Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
Love your wife unbreakable love
Ephesians 5:30–33 (NKJV)
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(v. 32) “…great mystery…reveals Christ and the church”
Malachi 2:13–15 (NLT)
13 Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. 15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.
Closing
Questions for husbands to ask your wives
When do you feel the most cherished by me?
How best have I helped you?
What has been our greatest moment together?